some considerations

Several people wrote me disappointed e-mails after my "I hate it here in Würzburg" post. They called what I wrote pathetic, and they were right. In retrospect, I shouldn´t have drawn up a post that made me sound like a spoiled teenage girl with too many cupcakes on her hands.

But the frustration I unleashed in that posting was real, and ultimately if expressing how I feel -- however ridiculous and angry -- is not part of writing a blog, then what is? The fact is, I have been lonely and pretty sad here.

There´s an upside to everything, and the chance to be alone is not bad; I´ve had oodles of time to think, calm down, and set better priorities for my life. In these important ways, this time has been healthy for me. I think I´ve grown up a little bit in the last three months.

I´ve also had time to read a lot of books. I started with Pride and Prejudice,
and His Excellency: George Washington, then came a re-reading of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur´s Court, the latest Harry Potter (in German.. God I´m amazing at German), The Great Gatsby, The Guns of August, the Communist Manifesto, Wages, Price and Profit, and The Grapes of Wrath, which I just finished. Right now, I´m re-reading the Power of Myth interviews with Joseph Campbell, and reading for the first time The Prince, The Landmark Thucydides: A Comprehensive Guide to the Peloponnesian War, and Moby Dick. I still haven´t finished Jacques Barzun´s From Dawn to Decadence, but I´m real close to the end and dip into it from time to time.

In other news, my beautiful golden locks were shredded by an angry Würzburg barber on Thursday. What was left of my dignity is gone.

I´ve gone to see the latest Harry Potter movie twice because I really like it and I´ve connected with it in a strange way. Also.. is it wrong that I think Hermione is hot? Just tell me if it´s wrong.

Still, being alone a lot becomes depressing, and I miss a lot of people. Sometimes I wonder who I would be hanging out with at Davidson right now, and what I would be reading and learning. I don´t know if I will stay here in the spring. I just wrote an e-mail to a friend, and while writing I realized exactly what the question is before me: do I need another semester to calm down and think, or is life too short to sacrifice 5 months being unhappy?

If you´re reading this, I probably miss hanging out with you. Send an e-mail if you get the chance, even if reading my earlier angry post made you want to "throw up because what you say is bullshit" or you think "not the university but what you do is dumb and sucks!" as one offended reader explained to me in an e-mail message. "Anonymous" took the time to post a response, writing: "really pathetic and selfish, spoiled, trivial, and foolish." You can read the full text of Anonymous´s response at the bottom of the page here. But they are right.

I hope it gets better here, I really do.